Dili lagi mag-binayot… (time to prepare the sadist “contraction” workers)
Archive for May, 2008
The much needed walk.
I just had to go out. I have to take a walk, a lame attempt at trying to pacify boiling blood.
And here I am: at the office. But I welcome the familiar sight, at least something that requires no thinking. Just absorbing the scenes around me. Tired. That’s what I feel now. The pressure at home, at the office. By the way, if it’s worth mentioning my father and I are still not talking. I may not talk about it much because I’m used to it (?) although it’s not normal. Once I get home, I just head straight to my room, the safest place ever. No one can say hurtful words at me, bashful remarks and hurtful indifference. The pink walls have witnessed 10 years of different emotions, the nightmares, the smiles, the karaoke hell, the crying episodes (almost a year ago) over something that’s almost too trivial now. Trivial. I marvel at the word sometimes. And that’s how things will be tomorrow, I suppose. Again, I might be wrong, for the nth time. No one else to blame but me.
I guess I’m a bit ok now. It took a longer time than usual, but I just need to vent out and I did. I just don’t understand it for all the right or wrong reasons.
They say that silence is a kind of therapeutic communication. But sometimes it turns out to be non-therapeutic. True. But then I think that in silence that’s where you are able to think of things well. To consider yourself more than others.
Walk. That’s what I need to do (even if it’s almost midnight). I’ll be safe. I need to be in my room now. I need its assurance that somehow things will be ok tomorrow and for the days/months/years to come.
Cheese, chess… Geez
For some odd reason, I wanted to eat cheese while working on my classes’ stats. But I settled for ice cream during lunch, rocky road and coffee crumble to be exact. Heaven. Hell is when ice cream melted and then stained my pants. Not. A. Pretty. Sight. And I am bothered. It looks like blood (period?!).
I noticed that lately this week aside from work, I’ve been busy distracting myself. In what sense? Everything. While walking in the office pavement, I feel for all the bricks underneath my feet. I mean, not all people are underweight like me. I almost did a part deux of another staple wire into my finger, just to check if I have increased my pain tolerance. And a whole lot more. Stupid, I know. But I managed not to let these wandering thoughts overpower my sanity. Sometimes they do disappear like smoke in monochromatic unison, leaving a trace telling me that they’ll be back soon to distract me again, should there be a need. But I’m glad. They make me smile, because after entertaining them I have some realizations after. Worthy ones I hope.
Chess. When I came in the office, Ronan and I talked about chess. I don’t know how to play it, i don’t think I’m smart or witty enough to outplay and win over somebody. He asked me if I see the company as a huge chess game. I said yes, although they do differ in the sense that in real life you can’t predict how some people’s minds work. Those people who are in the company long enough to know how things work and what would work to their advantage (for those who are serving their personal interests over the company’s) and how to subtly manipulate people (and/or things) and sway them to their advantage. He told me he’d want to be the queen. I laughed. But of course. I expected that answer.
I’m ending this weekday on a happy note and how I just love Excel. Working on my class’ stats is tiring. But with concatenate and vlookup, it’s a welcomed task. Hehehe. Geez. Addicted to Excel. Thanks to Lanie, my Excel mentor.
Have a great weekend! I’ll be out with my college barkada for lunch tomorrow. They miss me. They are bugging me non-stop to go with them. Yes, Lovely Myrrh Parado, I’ll be there. Hehehe.
Busted..so busted
That’s how outlook is for the past few days, until now actually - no, make that since last week. The supervisors on the floor don’t have any, thus we communicate through yahoo or g-mail. Which reminds me, I abhor Surf Control. But then again, some of the agents are into surfing unnecessary sites – some even have the guts to check porn sites, the nerve! - thus written warnings are so ready to be issued. Ha!
On a different note, cousin Weasel, Nikka Ho, told the group earlier that she’ll arrange for an outreach program this holiday season. And guess what she will be giving out to the kiddies: RUGBY. Scandal!!!!! There goes the SWAT team wathcing your every move, NC!! hehehhe 
Randoms on a slow wed-nes-day shift
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Went to the clinic earlier because I wasn’t feeling well plus my heart was beating fast – again. Hello, MVP. When I woke up at almost 6AM, I felt like vomiting and my tummy really hurts. Plus the fan concentrated on my direction is making it worse. Later when I consulted the nurse she asked if I drank coffee and that if I ate breakfast. And I said yes to both then I recalled that I haven’t eaten dinner Monday and Tuesday night since I just head directly to the sack. And I couldn’t carry my head and drag my butt downstairs to chow. That is the sole reason why my tummy hurts so bad. And so I must suffer. I’m hungry but I couldn’t seem to finish the food, I was advised to slow down my food intake so my tummy won’t be upset and all. So for lunch all I had was pumpkin soup. I wasn’t that happy since I was jonesing for…uhm… a lot??! Oh well…
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Lanie and I are planning to take our phone time when there is no queu… weeeeeee! at around 3pm onwards. Hahah! Talk about strategies.
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I suddenly remembered the good call I had last Monday when I took the first half of my phone time. (Sorry, can’t reveal the account that I’m working for due to confidentially issues) The caller, Bill, was looking for a hotel near the LAX airport for his Filipino in-laws. While recommending options he asked where I was located, I promptly answered that I was from the Philippines (kinda anticipating a bad comment) but no, to my surprise he said that he thought I was a local and not from an off-shore center since I sounded so fluent (naks!). Injecting my self esteem I went on and over serviced (again). I even called the hotel just to make sure everything is a-ok and confirmed. After the call I was a bit embarrassed since I took the call in the trainer’s desk in the training room and all of Ellice’s trainees were there looking at me. Boohoo! Anyhow, I was happy I was able to close the sale and another satisfied customer happy.
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I hate the phone in the trainer’s desk. While on a call my voice echoes and I can barely hear the caller. Something’s ought to be done about this phone.
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Outlook is busted for the longest time. I guess it has something to do with the change in the IP address or what not. Delayed messages, unreceived ones. Aarrrgghh! causing a lot of headache. Plus my Lead’s emails are delayed, there goes my deliverables for the day. Oh well.
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News Flash: possible movements in the management in our team. Oh no!! I talked to Ronan earlier when I arrived and it was a pretty serious talk. I was kinda sad actually but if it’s for the best then I’m all for it. I’m gonna miss wonan-sama
when I told him that he just said that I’ve grown already and that he’s proud of me…of the team. -
I realized how I hate the carpet in the office. Well on our area. It smells like stinking feet!!! Yikes!!
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Another realization: that it feels good to blog and vent out. Also knowing that only a few people (make that 3) are aware of my blog makes it more comfortable to write. I’ve never been that confident in showing these things to other people. Not for public viewing lest be open to their scrunity. Who cares?!!
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I’m making no sense at all.
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I’m out.
Realization…
While in the pantry, I realized that I may be too over reacting about things. I remember posting an entry a few days ago that I shouldn’t be taking things too seriously. I’m ok now. After almost 3 days of feeling bad, I had to be ok and that this isn’t doing me any good. God help me.
Aaarrggghh!!
Yet another one in just a matter of minutes…! I am wearing a new top today and after buying my favorite mocha drink – with the intention to subdue my bad mood – the moment I walked into the office gate, I saw this girl a few steps ahead of me wearing the same friggin’ shirt!!! OMG… there goes my frustration, extending a mile. Not wanting to be walking side by side with her, I stalled by staying at the gate. As soon as she was out of my sight, I continued walking but the adventure doesn’t stop there. When I walked into the door, there she was standing in front of me talking to the lady guard (apparently she was an applicant). Thinking that the only chance of escape is to zoom past her, that’s exactly what I did: I calmly sipped into my drink pretending to be in a deep, very very deep thought (well, not really pretending ‘coz I was thinking about something) and walked past her towards my station.
After sipping my drink and dragging my butt into my seat, I still don’t feel well. Must be PMS. Nah, the underlying reason is what really happened last Sunday. The mother of all frustration.
I AM MAD AND FRUSTRATED AT MYSELF. I wrote a couple of things while I was at Wackow’s house. He was really asleep and I couldn’t seem to wake him up. And he was tired as well. So to while away the time, I took out my pink notebook and started to write and pour out my frustrationssss. Well it’s just over one thing that affected a whole lot others and I’m using a lot of “Ssss”to emphasize its impact. A few minutes later, a tear started to drop. I never made the move to wipe it away, I just thought that I’d let it all out. But I was just crying silently as I don’t want to wake him up and be worried about me. He already has a lot of things to think about. And I feel bad. I’m sorry.
Frustrations (pt 2) on a Tuesday morning
- What to do???
- I have no idea what to do now. All I know is I am not at peace.
- I feel like exploding or better yet be confined in the hospital for a couple of days. Well, I change my mind on the latter part, because that will give me time to think about things.
- I’m officially tired. I’m tired of thinking about things at home and how I’m being treated like a 10 year old kid. And how it might (or will) take its toll on some things. (wont allow it!!!)
- I want to go on leave. I am sulking.
