January 14, 2009
· Filed under Not today..
- I miss my bed, my room; all the times that it provided comfort to my weary body and drained soul.
- I miss the family; i miss the house that served as my home for more than 10 years already.
- I miss the fact that life seems so easy and things were near.
- I miss seeing my wacky girlfriends; to re-energize me whenever I need a good laugh and reminisce the ol’ times. Ah.. the fun of college life.
- I miss sleeping to the sound of the waves when I was in Bantayan for 3 days. Simplicity of life… when at that time I didn’t have to think of obligations, responsibilities and the busy city life; when all I had to think was what bikini to wear, what to do and where to eat.
- I miss the familiarity of things in Cebu, when I was just there a few days ago.
I’m definitely going back to Cebu.
September 29, 2008
· Filed under Not today.., Random thoughts
It’s me and my raging hormones! I seem to notice everything and then be irritated by the littliest of things! Oh no! This is definitely not me… Need to stop this. Now!
September 24, 2008
· Filed under Not today.., Random thoughts
If I can just choke somebody to death…
July 28, 2008
· Filed under Not today.., Vork, Vork, Vork
“We need to be great actors in this world for us to continue our existence”
- an email from a mentor to me 7/24/2008
May 25, 2008
· Filed under Just another day.., Not today..
I just had to go out. I have to take a walk, a lame attempt at trying to pacify boiling blood.
And here I am: at the office. But I welcome the familiar sight, at least something that requires no thinking. Just absorbing the scenes around me. Tired. That’s what I feel now. The pressure at home, at the office. By the way, if it’s worth mentioning my father and I are still not talking. I may not talk about it much because I’m used to it (?) although it’s not normal. Once I get home, I just head straight to my room, the safest place ever. No one can say hurtful words at me, bashful remarks and hurtful indifference. The pink walls have witnessed 10 years of different emotions, the nightmares, the smiles, the karaoke hell, the crying episodes (almost a year ago) over something that’s almost too trivial now. Trivial. I marvel at the word sometimes. And that’s how things will be tomorrow, I suppose. Again, I might be wrong, for the nth time. No one else to blame but me.
I guess I’m a bit ok now. It took a longer time than usual, but I just need to vent out and I did. I just don’t understand it for all the right or wrong reasons.
They say that silence is a kind of therapeutic communication. But sometimes it turns out to be non-therapeutic. True. But then I think that in silence that’s where you are able to think of things well. To consider yourself more than others.
Walk. That’s what I need to do (even if it’s almost midnight). I’ll be safe. I need to be in my room now. I need its assurance that somehow things will be ok tomorrow and for the days/months/years to come.
May 20, 2008
· Filed under Not today..
Yet another one in just a matter of minutes…! I am wearing a new top today and after buying my favorite mocha drink – with the intention to subdue my bad mood – the moment I walked into the office gate, I saw this girl a few steps ahead of me wearing the same friggin’ shirt!!! OMG… there goes my frustration, extending a mile. Not wanting to be walking side by side with her, I stalled by staying at the gate. As soon as she was out of my sight, I continued walking but the adventure doesn’t stop there. When I walked into the door, there she was standing in front of me talking to the lady guard (apparently she was an applicant). Thinking that the only chance of escape is to zoom past her, that’s exactly what I did: I calmly sipped into my drink pretending to be in a deep, very very deep thought (well, not really pretending ‘coz I was thinking about something) and walked past her towards my station.
After sipping my drink and dragging my butt into my seat, I still don’t feel well. Must be PMS. Nah, the underlying reason is what really happened last Sunday. The mother of all frustration.
I AM MAD AND FRUSTRATED AT MYSELF. I wrote a couple of things while I was at Wackow’s house. He was really asleep and I couldn’t seem to wake him up. And he was tired as well. So to while away the time, I took out my pink notebook and started to write and pour out my frustrationssss. Well it’s just over one thing that affected a whole lot others and I’m using a lot of “Ssss”to emphasize its impact. A few minutes later, a tear started to drop. I never made the move to wipe it away, I just thought that I’d let it all out. But I was just crying silently as I don’t want to wake him up and be worried about me. He already has a lot of things to think about. And I feel bad. I’m sorry.
May 20, 2008
· Filed under Not today..
- What to do???
- I have no idea what to do now. All I know is I am not at peace.
- I feel like exploding or better yet be confined in the hospital for a couple of days. Well, I change my mind on the latter part, because that will give me time to think about things.
- I’m officially tired. I’m tired of thinking about things at home and how I’m being treated like a 10 year old kid. And how it might (or will) take its toll on some things. (wont allow it!!!)
- I want to go on leave. I am sulking.
May 19, 2008
· Filed under Not today..
Word of the day:
FRUSTRATION
(one post isn’t enough. I just had to write another one, just to show how frustrated I am.)
